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Afterwards, we sat down and we talked.


I asked them about how they handled being open. Their relationship had a solid foundation of trust but was not void of problems. They fought and they bickered, in a healthy and safe way. I wanted to trust the person I was in love with. I wanted the best for him. I wanted what I saw in front of me. I wanted him to know that I trusted him in every situation he was in. I wanted his happiness, no matter the situation. I wanted that mutual support. I wanted a man that stood at my side and not in front of me. I wanted to hold his hand and succeed together. Maybe it was the endorphins rushing through my body but I knew what I needed to do.

I needed to find out if my boyfriend could be what I wanted him to be.

In the end, our relationship came to a close. There was no screaming or hateful words thrown back and forth. It was a decision. I decided. My threesome was about so much more than finding good sex, it was about my finding out what my own desires were. I was on my own again, but this time, I knew exactly what I wanted.

Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Brooklyn Magazine. Share on Facebook. I Got a Story to Tell: BK Interiors: KrisAnne Madaus. Please enter your comment! Please enter your name here. You have entered an incorrect email address! Some couples think having threesome sex is a good way to save a sexually boring situation and keep the relationship going.

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This is particularly true if the couple has reached a point where sexual intimacy has stalled, happens infrequently or in the case of some long term relationships, does not happen at all. If the primary reason to have a threesome is to increase sexual intimacy with a partner, think carefully about the decision to move forward. Some couples opt for therapy with a counselor as a way of working out intimacy problems in order to get at the root of relational problems. What may be helpful here is for the couple to determine what cheating means.

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For example, it considered cheating to have sex outside of the relationship? Is it considered cheating to watch video? Is it considered cheating to CAM? These are just a few questions to help the both of you negotiate the threesome question. The hour rule is essentially an agreed upon time frame to revisit a topic [like threesomes] before taking the next steps. This point is being mentioned because what can often happen during initial conversations about threesomes are feelings of excitement and sexual arousal.

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These feelings can become so powerful that they can blind one or both people into avoiding important issues, ranging from concerns over jealousy to worries over potential ramifications. Revisiting the topic after hours allows both people involved time to process and mentally digest things. After this period of time, sit down again with your man and talk about the decision. A good starting question might be: Do we still feel the same way as we did when we talked about threesomes two days ago?

If the answer is yes, then you can move on to the next step. If the answer however is no for either you or your man, then make sure a meaningful conversation takes place about why.

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  8. The decision to not move forward may be a good sign for your relationship, helping to increase emotional intimacy through dialogue. It can make for an emotionally messy situation and cause resentment later on. This is an important step in the decision making process that cannot be overstated. The idea here is to set down ground rules so that both people in the relationship feel comfortable when the time comes for the threesome.

    And a final point here is to really focus in on who your starring guest might be. For example, will your starring guest be a hookup from online? Will it be someone the both of you know?

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    All of this leads to the next point. One of the big problems that can happen during threesomes is that somebody feels left out or ignored. This happens if the starring guest is more into one person in the couple over another. One way to minimize problems here is to talk to the person you are thinking of inviting in advance and letting them know the importance of equal attention. This would also be a good time to share the ground-rules that you and your boyfriend have created.