i am gay i like men

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I have sought help before but the minute they hear 'gay' they immediately go down the avenue of getting me to accept being gay. They don't get it! I would happily be gay if that was undoubtedly my way but, I really don't think it is. Any help from others that may be experiencing a similar issue or guidance to a professional that can help me navigate my way through this would be greatly appreciated.

Sounds like you have. Grown a lot , work on that ya mate either way is just around the corner, you are not alone with this,we all want the same. Im a 61yo hetrosexual male but even I can identify with your problem.

Developing Resilience: Gay Men’s Response to Systemic Discrimination

Its certainly nothing to be worried about more like it should be viewed by you as a journey. I wasn't sure whether to respond or not as I don't have any direct experience in what you are talking about, but I am unusual in perspective so just in case it's interesting I thought I'd throw in my 2 cents in.


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I never really got why people were so obsessive and judgemental about other peoples sexual preferences. People always say "It's not what is on the outside that counts, it's what is on the inside" It always seemed so blatantly disingenuous. Although I've never been interested in men to be honest I've always struggled to understand why women liked men at all when they could be with other women That always made perfect sense to me. While everyone elses attitude including my own always seemed fundamentally flawed. In your case I guess you just have not met the right person at the right time yet.

Developing Resilience: Gay Men’s Response to Systemic Discrimination

Which puts you in the same catagory as myself and a fair few million others. Just hang out with people you like, spend time with people that make you happy to spend time with and if with one of those people something "clicks", consider pursuing something more intimate The thing is, you already possess something that a lot of single people don't already have.

Confidence in your own skin, and people are drawn to this characteristic without you having to put forth any real effort. I must say it's refreshing to see someone writing about not having a life of trauma, but I do 'confusion' as well so you're in luck!

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I'm Sara, Sez for short a mature bi woman and volunteer community champ for BeyondBlue forum. Lovely to meet you Grant. It seems mid life crisis has hit with a vengeance hey? One thing you haven't mentioned is children. I'm wondering if this has any bearing on your situation. Mind you it's not to confuse you anymore than is present; it's just an observation. You and your family sound beautiful. You have a wonderful life Grant so this hiccup is throwing things out of balance; life's like that.

Please look up a 'Sex Therapist' in your area. They are in one word Professional, non judgemental, balanced, unknown to you and intent on helping you get onto the next phase of your life. As there are no mental health issues you've disclosed focus will be on the issue at hand. I really do hope you pursue this avenue of support as it's the best way to unravel a changing sexuality mindset.

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What you've expressed is totally normal and very important. Congratulations for seeking support and being brave enough to express your confusion, it really does take guts. Please let us know how you're going and what direction your crossroad takes. I for one would love to hear the next chapter of your journey. Mid-life has surely hit with a vengeance! Well, actually it's finally brought this to a point where I can no longer bury my head in the sand.

Becoming a parent has been a topic I've mulled over for the last few years, and whilst it would be an amazing experience to become a parent, it's not a must for me. This question of where I sit on the sexuality spectrum has caused much confusion and paralysis over the years. I've had up to 5 years at a time where I've not dated or had sex with anyone as I had just shut that part of myself down.

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It was easier that way. I have decided now that it's time to move on this, ready or not. When will one ever be ready for anything? I hadn't thought of seeing a sex therapist actually. I had seen a counsellor and a psychologist when I was younger which helped me sort through some other matters but couldn't really help me navigate this one. I will definitely look into that. Surely there is more to understanding a person than which gender they prefer to have sex with. Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.

You are currently: Home Get support Online forums. Online forums Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile Complete your profile. Cancel The title field is required! Grounded theory methods were employed to examine these problem-solving practices and processes central to the development of resilience.

Charmaz asserts that discovered reality arises from the interactive processes and their temporal and structural contexts. The study setting was the city of Victoria, British Columbia, the provincial capital situated on Vancouver Island with a population of approximately 85, BC Statistics, The sampling process was aided by several men, connected to networks of other gay men, and who were known to the first author and expressed interest in the project.

These men distributed the recruitment flyer at social, educational, and community-based events. At the outset of the project, men were required to self-identify as gay, be currently residing in Victoria, and be 40 years of age or older. Data were collected over an 8-month period via conversational, one-on-one interviews held in public spaces, including cafes, in the city of Victoria. Each interview was conducted by the lead author IH , and verbal consent was obtained from each participant and audio-recorded prior to initiating the interview.

Verbal consent was obtained in keeping with the Canadian guidelines for ethical research with people Tri-Council Policy Statement-2, Verbal consent was an appropriate method of consent with men who may be reticent to provide a written signature. To ensure voluntary consent, participants were informed that they may withdraw from the study at any time and need not offer any reason for doing so TCPS, A total of 25 men between the ages of 40 and 76 years, with a mean age of 54 years, took part in the study.

Of the 25 men, 23 identified as Caucasian, 12 self-disclosed their positive HIV status, and 22 had a primary care provider defined as a family physician or nurse practitioner. Participants maintained a variety of occupations including architecture, teaching, various roles in local government and nonprofit organizations, finance, and accounting. The majority of men had relocated to Victoria from other parts of Canada, which many men described as a process to escape discrimination in smaller communities.

As the interviews progressed, questions focused on health issues over the life course, for example, how issues were experienced and navigated and how sexual identity potentially impacted these experiences. To adequately capture resilience, questions were of a temporal nature addressing experiences at different time points over their life e. By gathering information that spanned many years, the practice of resilience was made visible.

Interviews were loosely structured by a topic guide comprising several questions and probes. Conversations, however, frequently expanded beyond the specifics of health and illness into a variety of personal experiences and stories that shed light on the processes that contributed to the development of resilience. Reflexive practice was employed by journaling thoughts, impressions, and potential biases after each interview. The interviews were approximately 60 min in duration, and all were audio-recorded and transcribed verbatim.

Data were collected and analyzed simultaneously, reflecting the iterative nature of grounded theory approaches Charmaz, Beginning with several broad reads, the focus shifted to identifying recurrent similarities and differences followed by open coding, which assigned a short name or phrase to summarize sections of data Charmaz, Memos provided an analytical account of the forms of discrimination, what men did and how this impacted their approaches to health and wellness Charmaz, Feedback was then elicited from participants to ensure effective and accurate representation Sandelowski, Analysis culminated in axial coding, which entailed identification of the relationship between categories and subcategories.

It was at this time that three main categories that illustrate the interrelated processes of developing resilience were identified Charmaz, Feedback from participants was obtained by providing men with a short summary document that outlined preliminary themes and asking for their thoughts and reflections on the analysis thus far. This feedback process occurred twice during the analysis. Permission to contact men for feedback was solicited at the beginning of each interview and each participant noted that e-mail was the most effective way for follow-up. Three categories of protective processes were identified to illustrate the interrelation of these processes in developing resilience: Described in the following text is how men employed these protective processes over their life course.

Most men talked about their early life experiences and provided candid accounts of pondering their sexuality and the consequent discrimination faced when living an openly gay life. For many participants, one of the first strategies employed to combat adversity and buffer the harmful effects of discrimination was building supportive networks, most often with other gay men. Building these networks frequently involved leaving their home communities, particularly for those who experienced extensive bullying in their hometowns. In High School we never talked about it sexual identity much you know, especially I grew up in Northern Ontario you never talked about it.

When I first came out in university, I went from having zero gay friends, not knowing a single gay person, to suddenly having friends. Like that. The emotional benefit derived from building friendships with other gay men and the level of comfort and safety bestowed by involvement in an established gay community was described as emancipatory. Nevertheless, participants spoke of the overarching socio-structural inequities that remained an ever-present obstacle.

This was especially the case for participants who were young men during the s and s, an aggressively discriminative time period for gay men Forstein, ; Lyons, During these decades, men faced significant discrimination by virtue of sexual identity in every facet of life: To resist this discrimination, participants described facing and fighting adversity by building networks to advocate for their rights, despite the aforementioned risks that included to their personal safety. This was the early 80s so like it was really complicated.

You needed to be really cautious back then, with the apartment, being kicked out, or being fired. I wanted to be a school teacher and knew there was no way. When discussing their teenage and early adult years specifically, the men frequently addressed living through the pretreatment HIV era. The powerful impact of HIV on the lives of participants was clearly evident by the prevalence of this topic in conversations, despite any questioning on the matter.

Men experienced confounded discrimination: The sense of foreboding was overwhelming due to the uncertainty about the disease and the lack of treatment options. The persistent loss and grief culminated in a belief that death was certain for many. The fear, suffering, and grief dealt with on a daily basis were wrapped in the realization that little support was available, for example, support in the form of medical treatment, information, or grief counseling. There was no responsive push to develop treatment, vaccines, and supportive organizations until the virus reached heterosexual communities.