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It’s Time to Take Your Temperature on Topping and Bottoming

Before hookup apps like Grindr and Scruff established these words as standard sex vocabulary, queer men used discreet street coding — colored hankies, certain types of clothing — to discreetly tell each other what kind of sex they were looking for and which role top or bottom, dominant or submissive they wanted to take.

Bottoming is usually not extremely fun on its first attempts. For many, bottoming is uncomfortable in the beginning.

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With practice comes pleasure. Once you get the hang of it, bottoming feels great. Anal sex has just as much risk as vaginal sex for unwanted sexually transmitted infections like chlamydia and gonorrhea, and since HIV is more common among certain populations transgender women of color and men who have sex with men , anal sex poses a higher risk of HIV transmission for these people. I am also HIV-positive. All sex — bottoming, topping, sucking, handjobs — involves risk.

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Learning about those risks and taking the necessary steps to minimize them protecting yourself and playing smartly gives you the freedom to enjoy bottoming without fear. Yes they can. My boyfriend leans bottom, and so do I. I love fucking him, and he loves fucking me, but sometimes often we both prefer to get fucked — and we do, by other guys.

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Talk about it. Try to make it work.

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First things first: We will help you. Enjoy it. Do what feels good. Get the best of what's queer. Sign up for our weekly newsletter here.

How to Know If You’re a Top or a Bottom - GQ

I discuss these risks and how to protect yourself in part two of this guide. Can two bottoms be in a relationship? The most attractive, manly, juiced-up, macho bro could have a serious penchant for taking it, and you'd just never know.


Basically, it all comes down to someone's preferences. In some cases, people will discuss who's doing what prior to hopping into bed. And in others, you just kind of go with the flow. In my experience, I prefer not to bring up who's top and who's bottom until sex is firmly on the table and about to happen. Plus, if I'm out and about, grinding up against you on a Friday night, what's the point of ruining a good time? Next up, we have Theresa.

How Do I Know if I’m a Bottom?

She's 23, bisexual and wants to know how to craft a Tinder profile that'll appeal to the masses. I don't have a lot of experience dating anyone, much less dating girls. As a former bisexual myself, I used to struggle with selecting the perfect array of photos and crafting a witty bio that would make all genders want me bad. If you're looking to make a Tinder profile that works for any and all parties looking for love or for a quick hook-up , my answer to you is cheesy, but simple: