However, the thought of doing it for the first time can be scary. Use plain, clean water, preferably at body temperature. Avoid using shower attachments - the water pressure can be dangerous.
You can get douche bulbs online or from any good sex shop. Try not to go overboard and irritate the lining of your arse, as this can make you more vulnerable to STIs.
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Get yourself relaxed with lots of foreplay like rimming or fingering. Some men do use amyl nitrate poppers to relax the muscles around their arse but there are two major health warnings. Any position where your knees are bent and drawn into your chest, whether you are kneeling, lying on your back or on your side, will probably lead to more comfortable sex, or will be a good position to start from. Use water- or silicone-based lubricants if you're using latex condoms. Avoid any lube with nonoxynol It irritates the lining of the arse, may make sex more painful and also increases your risk of HIV.
Look after your arse.
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You can't get a new one. So know your limits. With time you may be able to take larger objects but there's always a maximum size: Take your time and listen to your partner. This is as much about the emotional as the physical side. Find out what he likes. Ask him how he likes it.
Listen to his reactions too. The first time you top, you may be a little anxious. This may make your erection less hard than usual. Relax — you're both there to enjoy yourselves. If you have erection problems, concentrate on something else like kissing for a while.
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If getting or staying hard is a regular problem, see our section on ED on page 6. Our advice above on lubes and position apply as much to tops as to bottoms. Lube is essential when topping. Anal mucus can carry high concentrations of HIV, and the membrane just inside the tip of your cock and the foreskin can absorb that directly into the bloodstream if you fuck a guy's arse without a condom. You know the solution.
Rubber up. Substances like steroids can also cause the prostate to enlarge. Don't put sex before safety.
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Trust your instinct about where and what isn't safe. Carry condoms and lube. If bottoming, you might want to put the condom on the top yourself. Most men experience some symptoms around two to six weeks after infection such as a sore throat, fever, body aches or rash. These symptoms are common to other illnesses and many people do not realise they could be a sign of HIV infection. There is no cure but, if you are diagnosed with HIV and treated, you should have a normal life expectancy. HIV lives in the blood and in some body fluids. The more HIV someone has in their bodily fluids, the more infectious they are, and the more likely they are to have serious health problems.
Men who have sex with men should get tested roughly every six months for HIV. You can get tested at any sexual health clinic. A lot of places do one-hour testing or even quicker. Overall, 43 percent of these gay men said they preferred bottoming, 31 percent reported being versatile, and 26 percent preferred topping.
The bottom and versatile men were grouped together for analyses because it turned out they were extremely similar to one another in handedness and gender non-conformity. The results replicated previous studies in that gay men demonstrated more non-right handedness and reported higher levels of childhood gender non-conformity than straight men. Tops were still more gender non-conforming on average than straight men, though. This is where things get really interesting: This suggests that gay men's anal sex role preferences are rooted, to some degree, in their biology.
In other words, although tops and bottoms both have the same sexual orientation, they may arrive at that orientation via very different biological pathways. Further, the results also suggested that this difference in handedness between tops and bottoms partially explains why they differed in gender non-conformity. Though fascinating, this study like any study has its limitations, including the fact that the sample wasn't representative among other things, the vast majority of participants were white.
In addition, it doesn't answer the why question: There's also just a heck of a lot of individual variability. You can be gay and a bottom, but still be right-handed and extremely masculine. It's easy to point to exceptions to the pattern reported in this study, but that doesn't necessarily undermine it. Remember that this research is still very preliminary and that the handedness part may be just one small piece of the puzzle.
What all of this tells us is that understanding the origin of sexual orientation is a very complicated matter. While there's still a lot we don't know, what the research suggests is that there seem to be different kinds of homosexuality that have different causes.
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It also suggests that the search for a simple answer to the question of why some people are gay—like the elusive "gay gene"—is one that's likely to prove futile. J ustin Lehmiller is the director of the social psychology program at Ball State University, a faculty affiliate of the Kinsey Institute, and author of the blog Sex and Psychology. Follow him on Twitter JustinLehmiller. Read This Next: