Let's say you're on a date. You're having a great time. You're following step 3 and letting him do the talking. He's feeling comfortable. Then, you get up to go to the bathroom.
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While in the bathroom, you call a taxi or an Uber and you come back to the bar and say, "Hey, I've been having a great time. But it's getting really late. I've got an early morning tomorrow. I've called you an Uber which will be here in 10 minutes.
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Now, he's confused. You've been flirting with him all evening but you're not inviting back to your place. Yet, you clearly care about him enough to be concerned for his safety and actually courteously call him a cab. Which guy are you? Are you the sexy, intriguing guy?
First Date Tips for Shy Gay Men
Are you the safe, nice guy? These next three steps are all about taking your training from steps 1 to 3, the step 4 tactic and then upping your game and refining it like a true gay dating badass. Your "shy" instincts really come in handy, don't they? That's clear. But now, you've got to keep the control in your hands.
First Date Tips for Shy Gay Men
And the place people slip up the most is losing control over themselves. The trick to maintaining your cool when gay dating is this: So while he partakes of all the fruity libations and cocktails he can, order only one drink for yourself and nurse it. You like this guy, right? Having him a little looser-lipped is quite beneficial for you. Alcohol relaxes us, yes, but it also lowers our inhibitions. If you're playing the long game on this one, let your date drink as much as he wants.
For shy guys, alcohol can make you sloppy and cause you to forget your goal. You're playing to win, remember?
1. Read His Signals
The kinds of questions you'll ask him to get the ball rolling, break the ice and actually have a natural conversation matters. A lot of shy guys or, really, any guy who's not gay dating like a badass! Do you have siblings? What do you do for work? These are not only basic, useless and simplistic questions that have no real meaning to them and they have no ability to really hit at the core of who you or he is , they're actually the biggest culprits in conversation killers. Too many potential dates and great conversations have been killed because of the awkward silences that fill the space between the two of you when he answers those questions and you Twitch nervously, thinking of the next basic and useless question to ask?
Forget about these useless questions. You'll figure out whether he's the youngest of four or whether he's a Kylie or Kim later. Ask the riveting questions that are inappropriate, direct, left-field, far fetched or attention-grabbing. Because what you're trying to do is be outrageous enough to grab that attention. Or get him thinking. Get him looking at you differently. Here's how you hit it home: When he's in the room, all your attention, all your energy and your focus is on him. You don't need stare intensely and freak him out.
You've already got his attention, one-on-one, right? You've been following steps 1 through 6. But you also don't want to have a wandering eye. Make him feel like not only is he the only guy in the room but he's also the hottest. Here's the catch: That old saying, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink from the pool"?
Well, now, Padawan, the onus is on you. If you start off slow and use exactly these seven tips to guide you through your adventures in gay dating, you'll not only be pleasantly surprised, you'll actually have changed something huge: Your outlook on gay dating. And - yes! Or, several. You know, whatever you want. Know that you can have it. Now go out and get it. We hand these seven tips and the torch over to you. Join now for free!
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But guess what? Because even if you manage to get yourself asked out on all the dates you can handle, you still need to overcome your shyness if you want to actually turn those dates into something more. To help you out, here are a few first date tips shy gay men can use to build confidence when and where it counts. Sure, there are personal exercises and self-development journeys you can take to eventually build up your confident, outgoing nature, but none of those options are going to produce dramatic changes in time for your upcoming date.
Even short-term solutions, such as telling yourself affirmations or spending the day in a yoga class, will only produce a temporary boost in confidence that will likely fall apart the second you lock eyes with your man. For this first date, your current shy nature is all but inevitable, so instead of trying to hide it or banish it, highlight it.
Never forget that there are multiple ways to express your shyness. If you act shy in an unconscious manner, you will likely come across as awkward, but if you express your shyness consciously, if you downright play with your shyness, then you can turn it into an attractive personality trait that pulls your man into your orbit. Played properly , being shy can be the trump card that gets you the guy.
Sam has been writing about dating and relationships for more than three years now.