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And that starts with recognizing that you do, in fact, have a race and that your whiteness — and whiteness in general — plays a huge role in how race relations play out socially and interpersonally. And it continues with understanding that being able to talk about race in a conscientious way is an avenue to showing love toward your partner. Sometimes I want to talk to someone who just gets it.

And part of attempting allyship is understanding that sometimes, your partner just needs someone else right now. That shit is hard. And especially in romantic or sexual relationships where one, both, or all of you have close ties to your family, remembering that families function differently culture to culture is a must. Because are they, really? Or are you creating a default of whiteness and punishing your partner for deviating from that norm?

My advice? Let them know why what they said is harmful and hurtful. Bust some myths. Give them a little history lesson. Offer them some alternatives. Send them a useful YouTube video. But make sure that you actually address it.

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Do they want you to be the liaison — or would they feel more comfortable speaking for themselves? Will they want some alone time afterward — or maybe some time to debrief with you? And how can everyone move forward as a group? The Next Generation from season one, episode one.


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Because Wesley wants Anya to. I was pretty sure I understood his tone as joking, and I was also pretty sure he knew that this was another ridiculous Degrassi question, but I still knew that I had to own up to that mistake — and apologize. And it can be difficult for a marginalized person to feel comfortable expressing their needs without a safe space being intentionally created by the person of privilege.

The issue is this: Sex is an incredibly interesting aspect of relationships, particularly in the ways that power is distributed. For example, I have a cousin who, to my knowledge, has only had girlfriends who are of color — and all but one of them, who was Latina, have been East Asian.

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Some of these stereotypes play out most obviously on online dating sites, where we often judge one another in nanoseconds based on a single photo. There seems to be a desire for that which isn't me. So on the app, that looks like a lot of empty inboxes," one man in the documentary said. Indeed, what we call "types," ostensibly based on attraction alone, are often formed by stereotypes.

As the Guardian pointed out in a video, "The data shows that people are systematically expressing preferences that echo the negative racial stereotypes that exist in society. So isn't it worth at least asking how society might be shaping our individual preferences? Starting a dialogue: Johnson hopes his work will raise awareness for anyone dealing with the pitfalls of interracial dating.

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Part of that, he said, will begin with his own self-acceptance to undo the damage years of dating stereotypes have brought on him. This is real. And it's happening. And it sucks. And oftentimes, it's the seemingly innocuous pickup lines that do the most damage.

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