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I'm considering a job offer in another state just to escape this situation. I'll admit, some straight guys have a certain swagger about them. Personally, I wouldn't care how many times David Beckham or Nas said no From the read of it, you've let your imagination get the best of you. You're not just fantasizing about the straight boys. Your desires have influenced the way you date and see other men. You're playing the Powerball of dating, hoping that in some low odd chance, a straight guy will want to hit the showers with you after a day on the courts.

The possibility does exist, but the odds aren't good. First, it reads like you've already discounted every other gay man out there. There are plenty of single gay and true bi men who are "straighter" than some straight boys I know -- however you define "straight" these days. Let's just say you wouldn't be able to pick them out of a lineup at Home Depot or in the stands at a Spartans game. But it is a serious issue. Look where it's led you.

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You want your friend to drink himself senseless so you can be physically close to him. That's not a question of being gay, but one of having lost sight of basic human dignity and fair play. That's obsession. It seems you've been a lonely young man for most of your life.

Do You Only Like Straight Guys?

That social and emotional isolation is a hard cross to bear. Its origins clearly lie in some of your early life experiences. You need to explore those, face your personal demons, and conquer them. To do that, you need the help of a therapist. And be careful how you choose one. I can understand that sexual orientation is up front in your mind. But I'd like to repeat that it's not the main issue. As I said already, there are plenty of gay men and women who are not slavishly obsessed, and some heterosexual men and women who are.

Meanwhile, step back from the brink in terms of your behaviour towards your friend. Stop drinking to the point of mindlessness. You can't stop him doing it, but you can stay away from him if he continues.

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So stay away. Make sure you are never in a position to be in bed with him again.

Go home after an evening out. Just avoid temptation. You risk serious social isolation, and you know it. You're playing with dynamite, and you know it. In fact, you've moved from just being obsessed to being a predator, and you know that too. This is seriously risky behaviour, as well as immoral. Stop it. And get help for your sadness, vulnerability and isolation. Yes, isolation. For in that social circle for which you feel so grateful, you are still very alone.

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